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As a parent, you want to get the best medical care possible for your child, and you want your child’s experience getting medical care to be as pleasant as possible. You can do a lot to make going to the doctor a good thing. For children from toddler to teenager, the experience of going to the doctor begins at home. Talk about the upcoming visit at least a day in advance, if possible.

When You Talk With Your Child Before the Visit:

• Be open. No matter what their age, tell your children in advance when they are going to the doctor and why.
• Be clear. The more you can offer a simple step-by-step description of the visit in advance, the better. Whether it’s a finger prick, a vaccine, or a strep test, don’t hold back basic information for fear of frightening your child. Children’s imaginations can fill any void with scary thoughts.
• Be honest. Never say it won’t hurt if it will. Don’t say there won’t be a shot unless you are absolutely sure about it. If you lie to get through this appointment, you’ll have a much harder time going to the doctor with your child in the future.
• Don’t be dramatic. There’s an important difference between saying “It will hurt for a minute” or “You’ll feel a pinch” and saying “It will hurt like crazy!” The expectation to feel pain can actually make the pain worse. Acknowledge that there will be pain or discomfort, but play it down a little.
• Be positive. You’re going to see this doctor because he or she can take good care of your child. Your child needs to know that. The doctor wants to help children be healthy and strong. That’s true, and it’s good to let your child know it too. You may have a long-term, friendly relationship with this doctor, or you may never have seen him or her before. This is no time to appear unsure. Your child needs to know that you trust the doctor.
• Be confident. You may be very worried about what will happen at the doctor’s office. You may be squeamish about shots and medical tests. You may be worried that the doctor will discover your child has a serious health problem. If so, tell your spouse or tell a friend. Don’t share your fears with your child. You may find that being strong and calm for your child will actually make you feel less afraid.
• Act it out. For small children, a toy doctor kit and a little dress rehearsal can help ease worries before his or her grand entrance into the doctor’s office. Take turns being doctor and patient, taking blood pressure and temperature, looking in ears and eyes. When you are the doctor, praise your fine patient. Be a cooperative and polite patient when you’re on the receiving end.
• Don’t pry. Assure your preteen or teen that he or she will be able to talk to the doctor, in private, about any concerns he or she may have. Tell your child that you will not become involved unless he or she (and the doctor) wants you to.

At the Doctor’s Office:

• Plan for the wait. The roughest part of a trip to the doctor can be waiting for your name to be called. For small children, bring diapering supplies with you, plus small toys or books and a light snack. Let older children bring books, handheld video games, or anything else they like to amuse themselves with.
• Keep a respectful distance from other children. If your child might have something contagious, try not to pass it around. Don’t feel embarrassed to ask your child to avoid the toy corner crowd if it looks like he or she might contract something there. If you suspect that your child may have chickenpox or another infectious disease, tell the office receptionist before you arrive. The doctor may want to isolate you and your child in an examining room right away.
• Be prepared. Before you go, think about what questions the doctor will ask and what you want to ask. Make a list to be sure you leave with the answers you need.
• Bring information about any medications. Make a list of all medications your child may be taking, including vitamins and over-the-counter remedies.
• Be ready to clearly describe any concerns you have. Be prepared to answer questions about your child’s diet, sleep habits, behavior, and about when, how long, and how often your child has symptoms.
• Set the tone. Your child learns from you how to relate to the office staff, nurses and physician. From you, the physician and staff pick up cues about how to treat your child. Friendly is good.

When Meeting With Your Child’s Doctor:

• Trust your judgment. Your doctor knows about children — but you know your child. Feel free to speak your concerns. If your child eats no vegetables or has terrible tantrums, admit it and get the help or reassurance you need. If there are serious problems at home that affect your child, say so. Your doctor’s primary interest is your child’s health and well-being.
• Ask any question, no matter how unimportant you think it may be to the doctor. This may be your first child or your third. Still, every child is different, and parents are constantly facing new concerns. Don’t hold back a question because you think the question is trivial or because you think you should already know the answer. Your child’s doctor will respect your openness and genuine interest in your child’s health.
• Make sure you understand every answer. Ask for an explanation if you don’t. Ask again if it still isn’t clear. If you want more in-depth information, ask for that, too. Your child’s doctor talks to many different parents who have different levels of medical knowledge. Let him or her know what you need to know and what your child needs to know. Doctors are used to explaining complicated medical problems and procedures in terms a child can understand.
• Don’t be shy about making suggestions. Speak up if you can help things go smoothly. Maybe your child wants to ask something. Maybe your child will sit still while ears and eyes are examined if he or she can sit on your lap.
• Encourage a one-on-one relationship between your child and his or her doctor. Encourage your child to ask and answer questions about his or her body. Your child will feel calmer and more cooperative if he or she feels a sense of control. A trusting friendship between a child and a doctor can be a valuable source of support and guidance in the years ahead.
• Make sure your teen has a general health assessment. Adolescents tend to go to the doctor less frequently than younger children do. Even if this is not your child’s first visit to this doctor or office, see to it that he or she gets a basic health checkup. If you can’t fit in an assessment at this visit, schedule one for the next appointment.
• Respect your child’s privacy. Teenagers, and sometimes preteens, need the chance to talk alone with a doctor or nurse. Encourage your child to feel he or she can say anything without getting into trouble or worrying about embarrassment. If there’s a private conversation between your teen and the doctor, it’s important not to pry
• Compare notes afterward with your child. Review the visit. Listen to your child. Be sure your child understands what happened. If it didn’t go well, tell your child it can be better next time. Praise any good behavior. Discuss misbehavior calmly.

Excerpted from: Guide to Talking to Your Doctor, American Medical Association, 2001.